DATING DYNAMICS
The Dating Truth for Men ...
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Question:
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Hello,
Thanks for a great e-book, and for accepting questions. I have
been
pursuing women to build up my three S's, and have few problems
getting phone
numbers and dates. However, I purchased your book for a strategy
to break
out of the "friend zone" with my very attractive female
friend, age 25
with whom I share a lot of common interests. She's had previous
boyfriends and an ex-fiance.
I'm a very
successful attorney, age 31. I
have known this gal for about nine months, but I don't get the
vibe from her
that she is interested in more than friendship. She and I bump
into one
another at least one morning a week as we both go to a running
group. In
addition, we have gone out together to a football and a baseball
game,
dinner and bar-hopping, but the events never lead to anything physical.
We've
got plans to share a hotel room for an upcoming road-race in July,
and
she has bounced around the idea of making plans with me for white
water
rafting, camping, kayaking and such.
In an average week, this woman will be
asked out by at least two or three different guys, but she turns
them down.
Although she likes spending time with me and we have fun together,
she still
refers to me as a friend. She tells me she's waiting for the perfect
guy to
come along, and won't settle for less.
So:
1.. I'd like to learn some specific actions I can take to upgrade
my
status to a real dating relationship.
2.. As an aside, what would you advise that I tell her about the
other
women I'm pursuing?
Thanks!
**************************
Let's start with the basics. First of all, I want all the guys
to re-read this and tell me what you saw.
Oh, okay, I'll just tell you, but I want you to pay attention.
It
seems that every man is hooked on the concept of making this one woman
HIS.
Let's face
it - we men LOVE a challenge. That's what makes us men. And women
know this, and that's why we've been drawn
to the "hard-to-get" game
for many years. (Like, uh, tens of thousands, maybe?)
Let's start
with the raw reality:
It is RARE that you can ever take a female "friend" and
turn her into your lover. Why? Women hate
- HATE -
H-A-T-E
with a capital "H"
... okay, you
get the point.
They REALLY
hate the thought of ruining a friendship with a man. Women value
their friendships more than most of their
love relationships.
The potential
for love is not as motivating as the possible threat of pain
if the friendship didn't
last.
Hollywood has
poisoned your mind!
All those Meg Ryan films have got you believing that if you
just wait long enough, and you go through the same cookie-cutter
plot
dynamics
as today's
modern American
romantic comedy formula, she'll:
1) Go through
a turbulent experience with a man who is wrong for her (but she
sleeps with,
oddly enough)
2) And then she'll wake up one morning and break it off
with him.
3) She'll call you up, invite you over, and in sickening
slow motion she will realize that you were IT all along.
YOU are
the ONE! GAAAAAAAAAAAAG
(Further sounds of me blowing my Cheerios all over the
place.)
Nope. That's
a myth. Forget that and sue Hollywood. (Hey, you actually could
sue them, couldn't you? Cool.)
Now let's move
on.
Men think: "Hey!
Great friend! Fun to be with. Maybe she'd make a great girlfriend
or mate!" Which is probably
true, but too late for her.
Women, on the
other hand, think: "Hey!
Great friend! Fun to be with. He has to stay my friend, because
I would HATE to ruin this friendship."
Dude, she sorted
you out when you first met. Women decide this stuff early
on so they don't have
to worry about
ruining their
friendships.
Carlos Xuma
has a great point in his book that I'll mention here:
Women NEVER
feel like they've missed out on a sex opportunity. Think about
that for a second.
Women NEVER feel as if they've missed out on sex. Or even a potential boyfriend,
for that
matter.
Why?
Because
they know damn well that their goal is not SEX. They can get
that
anywhere, anytime.
Just about
any woman
can
get sex if
she wants
it, no
matter how homely
or chunky. (I've talked to women
about this and
gotten that answer clearly.) She
has no problem finding
men.
Here's the
secret to the dating universe, guys:
A guy's goal is sex.
A woman's goal is EMOTION.
She wants the
roller-coaster ride of passion and heartache with a
man. THAT's
what women
want.
(This may be giving away a huge
secret, and there's a lot more
to it that
rides below
the surface,
too.)
She'll give
you sex, if you give her the right EMOTION.
Yes, she wants sex, too, but
only to supplement her one-a-day
pill
of EMOTION.
(Guys, if you'll take that
one section to heart and work
it,
you'll get
laid more than
Safeway
eggs.
I kid you
not.)
Back to the
situation...
So, I'll tell you right now
that your chances of turning
this
thing over
are small. I'll
put it
at 1 in 20.
(and MUCH lower
if you
didn't already
have my
e-book.)
Not very good odds.
Sigh.
You know,
even if I put the odds at 1 in 1000, there
are herds
of guys
out
there
that still
have ignored
what I
just said
and are asking: "Yeah,
okay, so how do I do it,
then? Huh? HOW??? TELL
ME, MAN!!"
If you're set and determined
to make her your lover,
you'll have
to get
Medieval on her ass,
as my friend
Marcellus
Wallace would
say.
You're
going to have
summon every bit of game
you've got if you're
going to do it.
But before
I tell
you
how you can try, you're
going to have to
accept a very nasty little
clause that I want you
to sign before
we go on. (Since
you're a
lawyer, I'm
sure you'll understand
my need to limit my liability.)
Here it is...
I, the aforementioned
single guy, do acknowledge
that
I may have
to LOSE
this woman as my
friend to get her
as
my girlfriend
and
bed-bunny.
Sign here: _______________________________________
Fax that to
over my attorney and we'll
go on.
Okay, now why
do you have to be willing
to lose her?
Because
the
two situations
are
mutually incompatible.
She can't think
of you as just
a friend AND
seriously entertain
the thought of
riding you
like a horse
named "Widowmaker." You
have to push her
over into the emotional
and sexually heightened
terrain of LUST.
If
you've read the
e-book, you
know
what I've had
to say about
the topic
of female
emotional
interest
and
her attraction.
So you wanna
bag the T-Rex, huh?
Here's what
you gotta
do:
First, KEEP
DATING
OTHER WOMEN!
I'm serious,
I
don't know
how many
times I
have to
tell guys
this before
they get
it through
their
heads.
You can't have
your
game face
on
if you
need to
win
this
one woman
too much.
Here's
the rest
of the
step-by-step:
1) Stop
doing "friend" things
with
her.
This
buddy-buddy
sh-t
makes
me want
to puke
rose
petals.
Do things
with
her that
raise
her blood
pressure.
Rollercoaster
rides.
Haunted
houses.
Salsa
dancing.
If you
can't
thrill
her,
you'll
never
get her
attracted.
2)
Stop
calling
her
and playing
her
woman-friend-in-a-man's-body. She
thinks
of
you as her
girlfriend.
I'll
bet
she
even talks
to
you
like one of
her
women friends.
She
might
even
accidentally
ask
you for a
tampon
sometime
soon.
Drop
her
for
a good
week
or
so.
Go
at least
double
the
longest
time
you'd
feel
comfortable
with.
Suck
it
up and
do
it.
Self-discipline.
3)
When
you
talk
to
her
after
the
break
(hopefully
you
can
do
this
before
your
road
race)
you
want
to
make
sure
she's
aware
of
all
the
women
who
are
after
you.
Tell
her
ALL
about
your
women.
Fill
her
up
to
the
brim
with
your
exciting
singles
life.
No
sexual
details,
just
the
quantity
and
enough
mystery
to
make
sure
she's
wondering, "WOW!
What
does
he
have?
I
gotta
get
me
some
of
THAT." Joke
with
her
about
her
wanting
to
be
one
of
the
few,
the
proud,
your
babes.
But
then
take
it
away
by
making
sure
she
knows
you
don't
think
she
could
cut
it.
Give
her
a
challenge.
4)
I'm sure
she's started
telling you
what her "perfect" guy
is like.
Start using
that knowledge
to your
benefit.
5)
You've got
to jack
her adrenaline
into the
stratosphere. You've
got to
charge up
your talk
with her
by teasing
and the
old cocky/funny
routine. You
have to
show her
a fun
(not arrogant)
side of
you that
is a
man who
is after
the GOLD friggin medal.
She can
either join
your adventure,
or get
left behind.
6)
Think of
her 5
most likely
objections to
dating you,
and have
a response
planned out.
If she
says, "But we've got such a good friendship, I wouldn't
want to ruin that," YOU say: "That's exactly
why we should be willing to take this further. A great
relationship
is built on a good friendship, right?
And we'd ruin it if we didn't find out what might be." Use
your cross-examining skills, counselor.
7)
In the
meantime, get
out there
and KEEP
DATING OTHER
WOMEN. You
can't possibly
have the
balanced, confident
perspective and
attitude you
need to
bag the
T-Rex without
a major
jolt of "I'm-Not-Needy" injected directly
into your brain stem. You see, the guys who have other
women in their stable
never get overly attached to one, and as a result the
women sense this and flock.
The tighter you hold on, the more likely she's likely
to slip through your fingers.
Don't just go through the motions, either. Sample from
the buffet.
And
if you
get all
weepy on
her and
tell her
your "true feelings" for
her, you're dead. It'll be over. That moment of
weakness will ruin any hope of a turnaround.
As
a last
ditch attempt,
you need
to sit
her down
and tell
her that
you are
a MAN,
and you
know you'd
rock her
world, but
you can
no longer
have her
as a
friend if
it means
that you
two can't
explore the
possibility of
the romance
you'd have
together. (And,
God help
you, don't
have one
bit of
begging in
your voice.
Be convincingly
FIRM and
CONFIDENT.) Tell
her you're
willing to
risk losing
her to
see what
the future
holds, but
you've got
goals and
a destiny
to pursue,
and if
she can't
see that
you'd be
the greatest
thing since
Reality TV
in her
life, then
you've got
to get
on with
your hunt.
Then get
up, kiss
her on
the forehead
and leave.
She'll call
you soon
enough.
If
you can't
handle the
game of
doing a
HARD 180
on her
and using
some pretty
radical moves,
don't bother
at all.
If you're
more afraid
of her
opinion or
of losing
her friendship,
you can't
carry this
off convincingly.
She'll smell
that you're
not an
Alpha dog
and run.
I
don't like
to dash
hopes. I
just wouldn't
be doing
the right
thing by
not preparing
you with
some honest
understanding.
You've
got a
tough road
ahead of
you, I
won't kid.
But if
you're really
up to
it, I've
seen it
done. It's
not impossible.
I'd just
recommend that
you set
your sights
on someone
that you
don't have
to sink
a billion
watts of
energy into
-- and
still might
not get.
Why not
invest that
energy in
a woman
who will
likely respond?
Because
if you
try and
fail, you
could end
up pretty
heartbroken
and
bitter, which
will further
hurt your
attitude and
game. I
suggest you
clear your
eyes of
the romantic
illusion that
she's the
best and
only one
for you
and focus
on better
prospects.
You
don't think
there are
better women
out there
because you're
focusing on
this woman
as if
she's the
holy grail.
Drop the
idolizing and
realize that
she has
faults, even
if she's
a catch.
Stay grounded.
You can't
let your
imagination
run
away when
you have
a serious
fourth-and-goal
play
to run.
And
best of
luck!
(PS:
If you
don't
bag
this one
before
the
race,
don't
you dare
share
that
room with
her unless
you're
going
to bust
a serious
move,
Captain
Fantastic.
Just
don't
make
that the
first
hint
of your
interest.
Lay
the groundwork.
Because
if
you actually
go on
a trip
and sleep
in the
same quarters
with this
honey
without
moving
in,
it's really
over.
You'd
have less
chance
of
getting
her
as there
is the
chance
of
finding
a
full setof
teeth
on the
Denny's
night
shift.)
For
all
you
other
guys
who are
wondering
what
the
secret
is ...
You've
probably
been
searching for
the right
combination of
words or
conversation skills
to reach
that
special
woman. You
know you've
got to
find a
way
to break
through her
defenses and
show her
that you
are what
she's looking
for.
I
think
a
lot of
guys
are
stuck
in
their
own
thought
patterns,
self-reinforcing
all
their
responses
to women
and they're
not able
to get
out of
these
learned
patterns.
The
first
step
in the
process
of
improving
your
success
with
women
is
knowing
the
game.
Learn
the rules
so you
can play
it without
getting
thrown
in the
penalty
box
on every
meeting
with
a gal.
Aren't
you
tired
of going
out
on
dates
with
that
knotted
feeling
in
your
stomach?
You
know,
the
sensation
that
things
could
go
either
way
with
a
woman,
and
you're
flipping
a coin.
You
feel
like
the
chances
of
having
it
work
out
with
her
are
due
to probability,
not
ability.
It
doesn't
have
to be
this
way.
Have
you
ever
met
a
gal
you
just
thought
was
fantastic?
You
talked
to her,
got
her
number,
and
you
think
about
her
all
the
way
home.
You
sit
down
by
the
phone
a day
or two
later
and
start
to
wonder
...
-
When
should
I
call
her?
-
What
should
I
say?
-
How
do
I
keep
from
messing
this
one
up?
If
you
find
yourself
struggling
out
there
without
a
plan,
of
if you
just
want
to understand
the
principles
of male-female
attraction,
there's
a huge
reference
source
available
for
you.
I'm
talking
to
more
guys
each
week
who
have
had
massive
success
just
by using
the
principles
in THE
DATING
BLACK
BOOK.
I
urge
you
to get
over
to
www.datingdynamics.com and
look
at it
again.
Unless
you're
already
getting
called
all
the
time
by
women
and
have
a
jam-packed
calendar
of dating,
or you're
in the
dating
situation
you've
always
wanted,
you
need
to
get
this
book.
Try
the
E-zine
first,
if
you
must,
but
see
what
we
have
to
offer
you.
You'll
find
this
book
a lifelong
reference
for
dating
-
the
one
you've
been
looking
for.
I
recommend
this
e-book
for
EVERY
man,
single
or
married,
dating
seriously
or
otherwise.
There
is information
in here
for everyone
that
will
help
you
be successful
with
women.
I even
recommend
this
book
for
all the
women
out
there
who
don't
understand
what
is
going
on
in their
relationships,
or
why they
do what
they
do
when
guys
act a
certain
way.
Knowledge
is
potential
power,
and this
book
gives
you the
means
to
make
your
love
life
whatever
YOU
want
it
to be.
*****************
AND DON'T FORGET TO SEND IN YOUR DATING QUESTIONS TO US!
-C
[email protected]
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