When Do I Call Her ???

by Carlos Xuma

"When do I call her? Experts say wait till 2 to 3 days then call but what if you call and it went into voice mail. Should I leave a message? Or call again later ?"

First of all, blanket rules are rarely practical or effective. What's much more valuable to you is having the fundamental understanding of where her head is at so you can judge for yourself and adjust to fit the situation. You have to have an adaptive system to decide these things for yourself.

Let me give you some examples so you can understand what I'm talking about:

1) You barely know her, and you got her phone number fairly quickly. (Met her in a store or on the street.)

She's a cold contact, and she's unlikely to remember you after a couple days. I'd call her between 48-72 hours after you met her so that the contact doesn't go too cold. She barely knows you, so you are very suspect in her eyes until you've had a chance to establish more attraction. Until then, you're no better than a blind date. Don't wait too long, or you'll stand almost no chance of getting together with her. Make sure you go for a light meeting (coffee or a drink) to get things started.

2) You met her at a party or social occasion where you had an opportunity to interact for a while and establish some trust and rapport.

She's a warm contact, and you've got some time here. I would not call her until after 3 or 4 days, with 7 days maximum. You want her to wonder where you are and why you haven't called. Of course, this only works if you had a strong connection up front.

3) You know her from a common connection or setting (work, friends, same class, etc.) and you'll likely see her again there. OR she's very interested and you hit it off great right at the start, including some likely buying indicators.

She's a hot prospect, and you can wait even longer before you contact her. In fact, if you met her in a setting where you'll see her again, get her number, but don't call her until AFTER the next time you see her. This will make her wonder if you're really interested. This kind of wonder will only help you. The longer the better, but don't wait TOO long. 10-12 days is about the limit.As for voicemail, you never leave a message with a woman on your first few phone calls.

Why? Because you are giving your power over to her, because if you leave a message with her, for as long as it takes her to get back to you (IF she gets back to you) you'll be wondering about her and thinking about her. And that deepens your emotional interest in HER more than it does hers in YOU.

NEVER, ever leave a message with a woman, and especially on the first time you call her. Block your caller ID so she won't know it's you, and try her again later. Don't call more frequently than once a day. (She might be screening her calls, and that marks you as a freak when and if she decides to answer to find out who is pestering her.)

The way to avoid this situation is to always find out when she'll be available for you to call her when you first get her number. Then, if she's not there when you call and leave a message, you have a reason to be concerned. She's raising a red flag for you before you've even gotten started, so you know that you need to put her on probation.

Also, get her cell phone, since people are least intimidated about giving that number out (not as personal as a home phone), and you can be reasonably sure to get her if she's out.

- Dating Dynamics